Section 4 - Encouraging Positive Conversations

Be aware of your personal dialogue

As a human being, it’s very easy to slip into your own negative dialogue.  You may have been stuck in traffic, you may have had a fight with your partner, the neighbours might have kept you up last night, or your back might be acting up.  We have all been there, and once we get around other people, and we just want to have a vent.  It's not uncommon to get to a hike, and exclaim "Can you believe the car that cut me off on the way here!  As if my day wasn't bad enough already, I had a headache, and the toaster blew up, then this.  And so on..."  

As a leader we know you are human, so by all means, acknowledge these frustrations, but mention them and move on.  We have all been around that person who goes on and on about a negative experience, so lets not be that person when we are leading.

Another example of this is that you might be having one of those days where you are not feeling great about yourself.  We have all been there.  However, it's crucial as a leader that you are able to put that in a compartment while you are leading.   We all have those off days, and our advice is to put a smile on your face, and "Fake it till you make it" when leading on those days.  We promise you won't regret it!

And if you notice it in others, the next modules give you some tips for diverting conversation.

Why we don't comment on bodies

You might notice that the shape of someone’s body has changed.  You might notice that they appear sunburnt.  You might notice that they appear pregnant.  You might notice that they are taller than everyone else.  You might notice they are wearing makeup when they don’t usually.  They may appear sick or tired based on their appearance. 

We live in a world which constantly comments on our bodies, so lets try our best to be that safe place where how our bodies look are the most uninteresting thing about us.  

What can we say instead?  Well saying nothing is totally acceptable.  A hi, how are you/great to see/meet you!  But here’s some more options: 

• I love that top

• That’s a great colour

• You have a great energy today

• I love your enthusiasm

And if you see something in someone's appearance that concerns you, check in with them.  Words like "hows life treating you these days?", or, especially if you are familiar with them, a heartfelt "How ARE you" can sometimes be enough to show someone you care, without making assumptions about their appearance.

Shutting down diet talk

One of the fundamental rules of Escaping Your Comfort Zone is that we don't talk about diets.  This can be a fuzzy line when participants may be talking about healthy habits Vs diets, so sometimes it might be difficult to be confident that you need to shut the conversation down.  

What does diet talk sound like?

• Diets - Low calories, weight-watchers, lite & easy, keto diet etc

• Disordered eating - no sugar, no carbs, removing entire food types, skipping meals, fasting, bingeing, restricted calories (including conversations about calorie tracking)

• Weight reduction surgery - to protect our participants, under no circumstances should we allow this discussion.

• "Good" and "Bad" food - words like being "naughty" for eating a certain type of food, or phrases like "I'm being good today with my eating", or "I've been good all week, so I can justify eating this bad food".

• Conversations related to the food component of medical conditions - examples include recent diagnosis of diabetes, and the food changes associated with it, or the eating of low inflammatory foods to assist with chronic diseases.  While these conversations are not appropriate in the group setting, if you are 1:1 with a participant, where no one else can overhear, and you are comfortable with the conversation, that is ok.

• Cooking conversations - quite frequently talk of recipes, and great food to try is raised.   These conversations are generally ok, however be on the lookout for when they turn to conversations about "low calorie/fat" or "healthy versions".

Scenario

So you are on a hike and you overhear some participants chatting about the latest no-carb diet, how they are “eating clean”, how they are doing a weight loss challenge at work or how many calories are in a piece of food.  You know you need to divert the conversation, but it’s confronting, and you don’t want to cause anyone offense or make them feel uncomfortable. 

Regardless of your approach, some offense may be unavoidable, however the safe space we create by not tolerating these conversations overrides any perceived offense someone might take.  It’s more important that we stick with our values for the whole group, than to avoid confrontation. 

Here’s Richelle’s method: 

When I hear it, and I can address it specifically – eg.  Someone says “I deserve this donut because I just walked for 2hrs”.  My response is “We are not dogs, food is not a reward.  Lets appreciate the big walk we achieved, and then separately appreciate some amazing food”

Alternatively, if it’s something I’m not prepared to address specifically, perhaps just some comments I overhear on a hike, I call out in a sing-song voice “Just remember we don’t talk about diets and calories, crew!”, then promptly go back to my own conversation, or start another topic.

Some leaders might prefer to mention that we don't talk about diets into their introduction at the start of their hike, just as a reminder.  Its such a crucial moral of the group, we can’t afford to let our members down by letting diet talk in.

Scenario

You are leading a bike ride, and you overhear a conversation between a couple of participants about how one of them is considering weight reduction surgery.  This may be gastric band, gastric sleeve, or stomach stapling.

Suggestions on how to respond:

• Take the generic approach like above, and say something like: "Don't forget we don't talk about diets and weightloss!" and change the subject.  

• Or it might be a good opportunity to say "Just remember that we don't know everyones story, and we don't know how weight loss discussions might affect others in the group, so lets talk about something else like (insert something funny like why don't birds fall out of trees when they sleep)"

Encouraging Positive Conversation

As a leader, its helpful to encourage positive conversation.  Celebrate what people can achieve.  Celebrate that they can now complete a walk without having to stop,  or they have learned to do something that they never thought possible before.  Or that they simply showed up today.

On a hike you might find participants begin negative conversations, things like negative self talk (eg.  I'm so unfit, I am struggling up this hill), or going on and on about politics, their dealings with centrelink, or an extended conversation about animal cruelty. Its time's like these you should consider changing the tone of the conversation.

Techniques for changing conversation:

·       Focus on what the body can do – not what it can’t. 

·       Interrupt thought patterns – eg.  Throw in a joke, or ask questions as a distraction to the current conversation.

·       Ask positive questions –

• What do you do to relax?

• What do you do for fun?

• What makes you laugh?

• What are you most proud of?

• What is your greatest achievement?

• What are you passionate about?

• Who inspires you?

• What is the best advice you have ever been given?

• what is your favourite Movie, TV Show, book podcast?

• what other hobbies do you have?

·       Swap recipes – what is your favourite meal to cook? If you were entertaining your favourite celebrity for dinner in your home – what would you cook them? Focus on food being delicious and nutritious – not good or bad.